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Everything we do begins in the mind. First we create a mental picture, then the physical manifestation follows. The more clearly we can define our goal, the more quickly and accurately we can reach it. We are often caught up in the busy hustle of everyday life, reacting to everything that comes our way. We react automatically, based on what we have internalized — the “blueprint” we have from our life experiences. New parents are often surprised to hear themselves sounding exactly like their own parents. These internalized scripts are usually ineffective, sometimes outright destructive. Many people just go along reacting to everything in this way, not bothering to examine their blueprints and create something new for themselves — and then they wonder why their children become disrespectful, sullen, and rebellious.

Michael Mendizza, author of the Foreword to Joseph Pearce’s Magical Parent, Magical Child, says, “The weight of conditioning consumes all of our energy. The key is to increase the quantity and quality of energy-attention we bring to the moment. . . Only in this way will we have enough energy-attention to raise our awareness out of the maintenance reflex system and continue to playfully surf the waves of change. If not, we will get stuck in our conditioning.”

We all have the power to change the scripts we have been given, to alter them so they accurately reflect our values and the timeless principles we decide to consciously embrace. It requires a deep desire and daily practice to change.

Becoming aware of our deeply held principles and committing ourselves to living congruently with them is the means by which we realize our mission as parents. “Mission” may sound very big. But what is bigger than being a parent? What job or role is more important? What has a more direct and intimate affect on people, or creates a greater legacy for generations to come? When we think of parenting in terms of “mission,” we begin to give this part of our lives the respect it deserves.

By Vimala McClure

First published at www.iaim.net. Published with permission from the International Association of Infant Massage.
Copyright Vimala McClure 2012. Please contact webmaster@iaim.net for permission to use.

Babies cry for many reasons, and it is important to learn your baby’s personality and his or her different cries so that you can respond appropriately to them. There are cries that mean,”I need affection,” “I’m hungry,” “My tummy hurts,” “I’m tired and cranky and don’t know how to get to sleep,” and still others that are simply “venting” for all the stress the baby takes in, adjusting to the world of nonstop stimulation. Each of these different cries can and should be responded to appropriately. Each baby will differ in his or her need for physical affection. Some need to be held nearly all the time for the first few months, others are curious and independent almost immediately. To force an infant one way or another is to disempower her and disrupt the flow of chi or vital energy she needs to become strong, healthy, and independent.

Some people think that babies who cry always need to be calmed and shushed, or, conversely, should be left alone to “cry it out.” This is not true. Infants should never be left alone to cry, unheeded, but sometimes they need to cry in the safety of a parent’s presence, without being shushed, to discharge stress. After a certain period, when they sense they are being attended to, they calm themselves, and usually sleep much more deeply.

This is one of the most important reasons to massage your pregnant belly and to massage your infant regularly after birth. You learn, as nothing else can teach you, what your baby needs, and her cries and fusses don’t distress you so much as inform you of what you need to do to respond appropriately and thus allow your baby to grow and blossom like a well-tended flower in your garden. If you respond in these ways, you needn’t worry about when to wean, when to potty train, and all the other advice people want to give you. You will become an expert on your child, and you will naturally know and understand what she is ready to do and when. This gives you the confidence to listen to the so-called experts and then go by your inner sense of what is right.

by Vimala McClure

First published at www.iaim.net. Published with permission from the International Association of Infant Massage.
Copyright Vimala McClure 2012. Please contact webmaster@iaim.net for permission to use.

Amazingly, a baby products company that I sent my manuscript to responded and published the book in an edition that didn’t please me — but it was published, so I could use it in my classes.

Little did I know that the company had hidden clauses in my contract that would change its content, and they were going bankrupt, trying to take my book with them to start a new company. I was able to get a lawyer and get my rights back into my own hands.

One day, a few weeks after my daughter was born and I had won my book rights back,  I received a call from La Leche League in Washington DC. She said my little pamphlet had made its way to their headquarters; they were going to hold a large conference near here, and would I give a talk about infant massage. I joyously consented. We packed up our things and headed for the mountains where the conference was being held.

I gave my talk, and afterward a man approached me. “Have you ever thought of writing a book about this?” he asked. I reached into my bag and pulled out my manuscript with the edition published by the other company. “I certainly have!” I replied. He told me he was from Bantam Books, and they wanted to publish a book on baby massage, but they hadn’t been able to find anyone with credibility and the kind of tone that they thought I could put into the book.

I read the contract and had my lawyer read it, and joyfully signed it in 1978. Though I think of the present book as my first edition, the first edition was really in 1977. The edition by Bantam Books was a wonderful partnership, and the book sold in the best-seller category. The company sent me on a book tour that took me to New York (The Today Show, Regis, 2 radio shows), to Chicago (Oprah – when she was a local show), Phil Donohue), Indianapolis, Denver, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Portland, and Seattle.
First published at www.iaim.net. Published with permission from the International Association of Infant Massage.
Copyright Vimala McClure 2012. Please contact webmaster@iaim.net for permission to use.

My baby had colic during the first few weeks of his life; after we had gotten through the colicky phase, our daily massages were the most wonderful, blissful time I looked forward to every day. We connected skin to skin, eye to eye, and heart to heart.

I decided, since I could no longer teach yoga, I would share infant massage with mothers that wanted to learn. I couldn’t find anyone who did this, so I guessed I was “it.” I made up a little 4”x5” pamphlet and circulated it in my town. The first class was five people and their babies; I held it in my living room. Each class I taught was bigger in terms of attendance until we couldn’t hold it in my house any more. I opened more classes and moved it to a local recreation center — not ideal because of the noise and cold atmosphere, but it kept growing anyway.

Each class taught me more about infant massage; every type of baby, every type of parent, attended. I decided I had enough notes for a book, though it probably wouldn’t get published, I could distribute it to my classes. I rented a typewriter, and with a big belly (child #2) and a toddler at my heels, I put it together in three weeks — the time I had before I had to return the typewriter.

When I discovered I was pregnant with my second child, so much of my “outside” work had to take a back seat to my mothering. I was still nursing my first, so I nursed all the way through my second pregnancy, and continued to nurse when my daughter was born. Naturally, this took a lot out of me. But I worked on my book as I could, rounding up parents and babies for the photographic illustrations.

First published at www.iaim.net. Published with permission from the International Association of Infant Massage.
Copyright Vimala McClure 2012. Please contact webmaster@iaim.net for permission to use.

Vimala with friends – at a Wedding in the Mountains of Colorado in the 1970s.
Just before she discovered she was pregnant with her second child.

When I got home from my first trip to India in 1972, a lot of work was waiting for me. It was another three years before I began to think about infant massage again. My husband and I began to try for a baby. In 1975 I was out of work, with a lot of free time in which I thought about and dreamed about my first baby which was finally to come. I spent much of my time in the medical library. I searched and searched for studies to back up my own ideas — that loving touch, and specifically massage — would be an incredible gift for a new baby and his/her parents.

There was very little research on humans, but there was a wealth of information about mammals, which I thought could be linked to humans. I discovered Ashley Montague’s incredible book, Touching, and it confirmed everything I had been thinking. In many studies with various species of animal, the same type of study yielded the same result. Group A would be the animals left alone in groups with no interaction, removed from their mothers, isolated except for other animals; they would attack and bite each other and researchers who tried to move them. Group B would be the animals living with their mothers with freedom to nurse and the only intervention by humans would be loving touch, stroking, fondling, and singing to them every day, from the beginning. The Group A animals were skinny and anxious; they fought and lived shorter lives. Group B animals grew larger and healthier. They were close to others near them, and they responded positively to touch and handling by researchers.

Ready to have my first baby, I had learned that “bonding” was an important part of healthy, happy parent-baby life, so I decided to include its elements — skin-to-skin contact, eye-to-eye-contact, loving speech and singing. Massage, including these elements and more, would be a part of our everyday life.

I developed a routine, combining what I knew of yoga postures, adult massage (learned from my massage therapist friends) and Indian baby massage, all emphasizing the loving attachment flowing between us.

First published at www.iaim.net. Published with permission from the International Association of Infant Massage.
Copyright Vimala McClure 2012. Please contact webmaster@iaim.net for permission to use.