Connecting with Families Using the FAN (Facilitating Attuned Interactions)
Recently in a previous blog post, we touched on the idea that Magic happens through connection and touch. Today, we want to expand on this and think about how connection, relationships, and support can all have positive impacts for families as they learn and understand about their baby. The ultimate goal is for parents to feel connected and attuned to their baby. This connection and understanding then supports their baby’s development and strengthen their bond/relationship as well. Infant Specialists at the Fussy Baby Network support families using a relationship-based approach called the FAN (Facilitating Attuned INteractions).
Our support at Fussy Baby often turns to discussions around regulation and Infant Massage. We navigate these discussions using the FAN and understand that listening and connecting to families can be a powerful tool. We also consider that holding and attuning to the families we work with can then, in turn, support them in doing the same for their baby. "When someone feels truly understood and "known", the attunement that occurs creates a space where it is possible to try new ways of interacting"(Siegel & Hartzell, 2003 in Lewis, 2011, p. 446). The Infant Massage Provider comes to mind, as you support families to learn and enjoy something new. Infant Massage Specialists introduce touch and massage in new and unique ways. Connecting with the families through active and safe listening can open the door to families feeling more comfortable in trying this new idea of Infant Massage.
The FAN is a fluid tool that has 5 wedges of focus. The center is the parents urgent concern where we“ see“ and honor the baby the parents see. We move in and out of all the wedges and connect in the place that matches the parents in the moment. We build on the connection and relationship to help families move from feeling to thinking to doing as they are ready. The FAN approach facilitates increasing parental confidence, strengthening the Parent-Child relationship and promotes healthy development of Parents and Child. This is a wonderful template for CEIMs (Certified Educator of Infant Massage) to incorporate during a parent session to give added dialogue and awareness in support of the parent.
Mindful Self-Regulation-The Calming Wedge
This wedge is for the practitioner. To take a moment to become AWARE of our own regulation or reactions (thoughts, feelings, body tensions, biases, social location). Use strategies to come back in BALANCE (breathing, movement, visualization). CONNECT with new awareness (attunement).
MSR Example: A CEIM is preparing to have a session with a parent/baby. Prior to the session, take a moment to ground and balance yourself by taking a few deep breaths.
Empathic Inquiry-The Feelings Wedge
Empathic Inquire is where we connect with the caregivers through listening with acceptance. Creating a safe space to hear the stories, listen compassionately and say little-holding the feelings. Taking moments to validate (I can hear how worried you are.) and maybe even explore more (what was that like for you?). Holding a story and all the feelings that go with it in a compassionate way can lower stress and open the door to new ways of thinking or doing.
Empathic Inquiry Example: A CEIM was opening the session with a family. She opened the conversation by asking How has it been caring for your baby these past weeks. The Infant Specialist listened without interrupting. The Parent shared how tough it has been. Their 6 week old baby has been crying most of the time unless asleep. They have tried everything and nothing seems to work consistently. The parents are exhausted. They live in a small apartment and even though the parents take turns when needed, they can hear the crying no matter where they are. The Infant Specialist paused and validated, That sounds so hard and I can imagine very exhausting as well. The parent went on to say how tired she and her husband were. The Pediatrician wondered about reflux yet didn‘t recommend any medication at this time and the parents didn‘t know what to do. There was a slight pause in the conversation and the Infant Specialist wondered if this was a good time to think together. We have talked about so many things, I am wondering if ithis is a good time to think together about what might be helpful next steps?
Collaborative Exploration-Thinking Together
Families that have experienced sharing their story in a way that feels supportive and held can often show signs of being ready to move into thinking together. Their stress is often lower, they have begun to feel a connection to the Infant Specialist and are ready to share more and think together. This is where the family’s expertise and the Providers expertise blend together. Some Collaborative thinking questions:
What do you think might be causing this?
What have you tried?
Is this something you want to work on?
What would it feel like to try some Infant Massage techniques when your baby starts to cry?
Collaborative Exploration Example: The CEIM asked if the parents could tell her more about what it looks like when the baby starts to cry and has anything they tried helped? The parents shared that she truly cries through most of her awake time right now. Mom and Dad shared that sometimes the baby can be soothed when they hold her and when they are walking around or wearing her. She even cries when Mom is trying to nurse her. She often arches back and seems like something hurts her. The CEIM wondered with Mom and Dad about movement and touch-Do you think it’s the bouncing and deep touch she likes? She loves being bounced a bit and swaddled or worn, mom and dad shared that they hadn’t thought of it that way. It has felt like hard work and tiring to them, not about why it was helping their baby. Together, they thought about how to use the new idea of touch to help their baby feel soothed and close to them (also knowing that it might not work all the time). The Infant Specialist asked if they would be interested in learning some Infant Massage techniques. It can be helpful with reflux and be enjoyable for the baby since she seems to like touch? Mom and Dad were very interested and said maybe it would help their own exhaustion as well.
Capacity Building-Learning and Doing
The capacity building wedge is the place where families are ready for more information and to try something new and different. This wedge is all about building capacity and empowering-providing drops of information and exploring with the family. An easy capacity building moment can be noticing or highlighting some things the parents are already doing well (we call these angel moments in Fussy Baby!).
Capacity Building Example: The CEIM begins to share some Infant Massage techniques with Mom and Dad. Mom chose to use a doll so Dad could do the strokes with the baby. Dad feels comfortable doing the strokes on the baby. The CEIM asked what felt good about it and Dad shared that it seemed to soothe both himself and the baby. Mom noticed that she also relaxed even though she was stroking a doll. They now understand that baby enjoys this type of touch. A beautiful angel moment happened when the baby calmed with Dad’s massage and they enjoyed some quiet eye contact as well. Dad really liked being able to relieve the baby’s gas and discomfort.
Integration-reflecting
This is the wedge where we can support the caregivers in slowing down and reflecting. Taking a moment to empower the families again. Wondering if we got to all their questions today, asking what they might most remember from all the things we talked about and maybe even asking to describe their baby in a few words. The art of reflection can be very empowering and helping them come to some insightful conclusions.
Integration Example: The CEIM notices the baby getting tired and wondered if their visit was enough for today. She introduces this idea by asking the family I am wondering if we got to your most important questions today. The parents responded by saying I think so, for now. Was there something that felt important or resonated with you today…we talked about a lot of things. Mom shared that she felt so validated. Having someone listen and understand how hard this has been has been so helpful. Also understanding that touch and movement are “feel good” things for our baby and parent. Dad shared that he felt better knowing that some of the things they were already doing were on the right path. He loved helping her pass gas and feel better.
The FAN is a versatile communication tool that can pave the way for supportive relationships.
Author:
Linda Horwitz, M.S Ed, I/ECMH-C
Program Supervisor
Fussy Baby Network/Smooth Way Home
Erikson Institute